French puddling about... Merde alors!

A very wet one this week!!! Well, I guess we had all better get used to it because it is here to stay for the next few months. If you haven't got webbed feet now you surely will very soon !!! A little advice from a wise old dog (who coughed???) ....teach the house maid to automatically empty the golf bag every Sunday morning and dry the contents. Open the umbrella and dry it out........ otherwise by the following Saturday the mould will have the clubs barking and sniffing on their own!!! Yuk!!!

The scores were generally fairly poor.... a reflection of the weather, I think. At the tail end, otherwise referred to as Dog Doodoo we had one very miserable French poodle... Philippe accumulating a mere 17 points and pleading with his kennel mate to up his handicap by huge amounts.... no chance, she is not that generous!!! But one should bear in mind the kind and considerate act that Philippe performed..... he saved Gus on 18 points from kennelling the doo doo on his 50th birthday....... Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you......!!!!!! Yes, we celebrated in style last night!!!! Wee Dougie didn't fare much better with 19 points. Anyway, enough of this misery.

In the balls..... Mike Tarry was Nearest the Pin on the 12th. Once again the girls [almost] dominated with Heather in 3rd place on 30 points, Pascale in 2nd with 32 points but Leader of the Pack was a man..... Lars came in with an excellent score of 35 points !! Well done. Handicaps will be adjusted accordingly.... Matahari will update you as usual.

Next week we will squelch around Kurmitola at the usual time and then we invade Lisette and Ian's kennel to bid Curly Wurly farewell!!! God, life is tough as an expat!!!

Matahari's verdict:
- Philippe will play off 31
- Douglas will play off 21
- Gus will play off 26
- Lars will play off 19

That Kiwi was a dodo!*

A slightly smaller pack this week with only 16 gathering for the chase. I suspect that one or two mongrels were suffering from the night before and probably in great need of some 'hair of the dog' !! A great night was had by all at Mal and Wiess's kennel.... thanks to them for hosting the Dogs dinner!!!

It was a HOT one..... but in general, the scores were good this week particularly amongst the 'girlies'. I wouldn't dare mention the HUGE advantage that they get teeing off half way down the fairway so I will suggest that the heaps of practice the girls put in during the week is paying dividends.... or more accurately, a lot of balls!! But starting at the rear end...... Kiwi Graham had a torrid time of it but kept smiling all the way round showing true Doggie 'spirit' ( well, probably a reflection of what he drank the night before !!) Graham amassed a grand total of 15 points to take the honour of being Dog Doodoo of the week. Philippe, on 21 points, showed his appreciation by giving Graham a kiss... only the "French" can do that..... but thank goodness it wasn't a French kiss !!!!! At the top of the pile the nearest a man got to having bollocks was 3 Putt Pete who had 33 points. Sorry.... Lars had balls... Nearest the pin on the 16th !! Good on ya, mate!! 3 Putt Pete was pipped (painful!!) by his kennel mate Kim for 3rd place on 35 points losing on count back to Lisette... it went down to the wire.... last 3 holes was the decider !!! Then we have Leader of the Pack, who, this week is Heather (again!!) on 36 points. Inevitably, the axe has been wielded.... well, got to try and give the boys a chance!!!

On the social side, the next Dogs dinner is being held on Saturday 3rd June at Lisette and Ian's kennel to say a sad farewell to Curly Whurly and his kennel partner. That is less than 2 weeks time...... so please let me and Lisette know quickly whether you will be coming and whether you will volunteer to make a salad or dessert. Golf on Saturday next will be at the usual place and at the usual time.



* Dodo - a flightless bird, now extinct as flightless birdies go "panni"

Alan alienated... by his game

18 dogs made their appearance at midday yesterday. We were lucky with the weather following torrential rain over the past 2 days and the course was, under the circumstances, in fairly good condition. We did, however, allow 'preferred lies' in order the resolve the problem of the 'man-made' holes where the 'alien' grass had been pulled up as well as soggy bits etc!!!

A lot of comment has made about the speed of play. We all teed off within half an hour of each other but there was nearly an hour and a half difference in finishing times !!!! Greater effort needs to made by some players to speed up. I have attached the statement in the Rules and Etiquette issued by the those wise old men of St Andrews otherwise known as "The Royal and Ancient" whose function is to "guard the tradition and integrity of the game". The Etiquette section starts off by stating that by following the rules and Etiquette laid down " all players will gain maximum enjoyment from the game. The overriding principle is that consideration should be shown to others on the course at all times"

§ Pace of Play

Play at Good Pace and Keep Up. Players should play at a good pace. The Committee may establish pace of play guidelines that all players should follow.

It is a group's responsibility to keep up with the group in front. If it loses a clear hole and it is delaying the group behind, it should invite the group behind to play through, irrespective of the number of players in that group.


§ Be Ready to Play

Players should be ready to play as soon as it is their turn to play. When playing on or near the putting green, they should leave their bags or carts in such a position as will enable quick movement off the green and towards the next tee. When the play of a hole has been completed, players should immediately leave the putting green.

In the case of a serious breach of Etiquette, the Committee may disqualify a player under Rule 33-7.

Now to the results. I am ashamed to say that Top Dog had a diabolical game... partly due to an injured paw... and also due to a mind performing mental aerobics !! The result of these issues is that I have the dubious honour of kennelling the 'doodoo' this week having only amassed 21 points. I saved Mike Tarry the pleasure... he only had 22!!! In the balls.... "Curly Wurly" Freeman again managed to get Nearest the Pin at the 12th. He does this with amazing regularity !!! In 3rd place we had Lydia on 34 points. In 2nd we had 'Wee Dougie" Broderick on 36 points and Leader of the Pack, for the second week running and despite having had his handicap severely lacerated, we have Ian Wright on either 37 or 38 points.... depending on who counts the points apparently!! Irrespective.... his handicap is in for another amputation. "Wee Dougie" and Lydia suffer the same fate !!

See you at the Dogs dinner on Friday and for golf on Saturday at the usual time and the usual place..... !!

Shankman shines, but Barry's bottoms

An all-time record 25 mongrels mustered in the heat at the 1st tee box (albeit that only 24 balls were thrown.... someone having forgotten to put a bollock in the hat !!). Somehow we managed to get 7 groups off in the allotted time. I am not having a 'whine' but whilst we have such large numbers and a waiting list of people wanting to join, I would ask (politely, of course!!) if people would refrain from inviting guests to join us at present until numbers have reduced a bit. Sorry about this but we must be fair to those on the waiting list !!!!!

I will quickly move on to the results. With 8 points, we had a 'visitor' who was aptly named " Michael Shankman" (actually spelt Sheinkman!!) but as a visitor he could not lay claim to the trophy despite being a truly worthy winner !! That honour went to veteran Dog Barry with a miserable 14 points.... Barry had a total nightmare on the course having had good games in Thailand the previous week. At the other end, the ' Dogs bollocks' went as follows: Nearest the Pin on the 6th was Teb. As the numbers were so large, I decided that bollocks would go to the top 4 places. In 4th place on 33 points was Lydia. Also on 33 points but taking 3rd on count back was Pascale. 2nd place went to Graham, a visitor, with 35 points and Leader of the Pack was Ian Wright on 37 points. Well done!! Handicap revisions, where appropriate, will be communicated by Matahari as usual!! One point about the rules !!! When you opt for relief, (when you land on a road, GUR etc ) and take a drop, you must drop within 1 club length of the nearest point of relief.... not the nicest !! The other issue is that when you drop, that is it. You are not allowed to drop again just because you don't like the spot your ball fell in !!!!

On the social front, we have our next Dogs dinner at Mal and Wies Robbins kennel on Friday 19th May. I will let you know the address and time shortly. Please will you let me know as soon as possible whether you are attending and whether coming single or double. We also need volunteers for salads and desserts so please let me know which one you would like to do !!!!

Thursday is a public holiday. A few of us will go to Savar to play 18 holes. We will tee off at 12.30 so if you are interested please turn up before that. You need to leave an hour for the journey and sorting out fees etc.!! If you are in need of transport let me know so that something can be organised. Alternatively, see you next Saturday as usual at Kurmitola.